Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Sometimes....sometimes it'll be quiet outside of my body and in the recesses of mind. Sometimes I'll look at my family, or the computer in my room and realize how lucky I am. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't been born with the ability to see, hear, or breathe on my own. Sometimes my ability to even see these small/huge privileges seems like a privilege of itself. Maybe that's why I like walking or taking the bus. I look at those things from the other end of spectrum. How many people would love to walk? Or would love to have somewhat affordable public transportation open to them? If the biggest thing I have to worry about is whether or not I'm going to be late for school, then I consider myself to be lucky.
I'm not a religious person though I am somewhat spiritual. For whatever reason I have this image in my head of how everyone is handed an equal amount of something at the beginning of their existence. This to me explains why some people have 99.9% averages but no social skills, so on and so forth. Sometimes I look at my situation and think, "I have too much something. I'm not meant to have all this, and one day the scales will be set to balance each other out and I will lose some or a lot of my something." This scares me and sets me on edge. Don't get misunderstand me though. I don't mean a nervous edge, the type I would teeter or titter over before falling over. No, the edge I feel and see is one of undefinable distance. My life right now is at one side and that edge is my death. Or maybe the death of my mother, father, or sisters. Basically that edge is the end of time of something. I have no amount of guaranteed time with anything or anyone in my life. When I see this edge and when I realize that I can't tell how close or far away this edge is that means I'll start to feel a push. I need to find someone I love and soon. Since I spend so much time at home this usually means it'll be one of my sisters or parents. I don't explain this edge or that push to them. I'll just hug them, give them a kiss and say I love them. If a horde of zombies were to come in at that instant I need to know that they know with every fiber of their existence that I do love them.
Realistically I can't spend all my time thinking about this something. Maybe this has more to do with what I think I deserve than with philosophically cherishing the time I have. Maybe it's both.
Just thought you should know.
I have this little breathing, excited, and palpable creation/person/or thing fueling me these days. When I manage to prove to myself that I'm capable of an infinite list of things, this creation breathes a little harder and its' heart beats a little faster. I can feel it growing and moving (no I'm not pregnant....) and I think this creation is what gives me the faith to believe that 2009 will really be two thousand and divine in my own personal history books. I don't know this creature's origin or purpose. I definitely don't know if this creation's life is meant to last for long but I'm excited regardless. This feeling of accomplishment makes my palms sweaty and my mouth all dry. I've been comfortable being uncomfortable for so long that I can't completely fathom what it would it be like for me to be euphorically successful. I'm growing in love with all the divine possibilities that could develop into my life. Am I really capable of being awake while I dream (live)? The fact that the answer to that question has more than a sliver of a chance of being yes gets me restless. My body literally reacts to these thoughts. As I type this my hands keep going to my knees to relieve them of their sweat. I feel like I want to run onto the sky or fall asleep and meet an old friend (who is most likely a fictional character). I wonder what this feeling is called because I am sure it cannot be contained, described, or understood by others in a single word.
Is this creature just me growing up? Maybe I'm finally (finally) harboring some self-esteem. Whatever it is I like it.
Do you have any creatures of your own?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I blame exams. Before them I held a lose grip (but you know at least it was a grip) over my room. Now it's receding back into madness and now I have spilled black water paint on my floor.
The paint was being used for an english culminating project. My frenemy called procrastination soothed me and told me I could put the paint away later........
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I was tagged by Lesley ages ago (literally! It was way back in October...) to do this little meme.
1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
1. Before I decided that I wanted to be a journalist I wanted to be a writer. Only problem is, is that I can never actually think of stories. I'm not sure if this has to do with me not pushing myself far enough to explore possible possiblities but it's just something that is. I also think I'd be more inclined to work at a magazine than a newspaper.
2.I'm in grade 11 and go to Westdale SS. I've been in the French Immersion program since grade 1 and I'm glad my parents didn't let me drop out of French Immersion like I wanted to in grade 3.
3. I wear a ring on my left hand on my ring finger. Yes it looks like an engagement ring and no I'm not engaged. When I started wearing it on that hand I didn't really pay attention to that. But then people kept inquiring about it and asking who the lucky guy was. I usually joke back that I'm just engaged to myself. Right now I just take it as a physical representation of a promise(s) that I've made to myself. (Push myself, stay gold, love myself, acknowledge my faults without beating myself up over them; those types of things)
4. I sucked my left thumb until i was 7 or 8. Now because of this my left thumb is psychically skinnier than my left
5.I have a personality full of contradictions. (Hmmm.... this might actually become a post for later this week.)
Friday, January 16, 2009
My first of 365 pictures.
I have 13 roles of film leftover from my travels to Honduras and Egypt. Developing film is so expensive these days that I keep putting it off. I'm going out with my friends on the 24th for my birthday*, if I get any money I might use some of it to get some of film developed.
I've been passively thinking about this 365 project since '07. I was supposed to start this on Jan 1st, but I got lazy. But I'm lucky and my birthday was today (technically yesterday since I'm posting this around midnight) and I thought that would be a more interesting date to start and end this project with. So I'm beginning today and ending this project on my 18th (!!!!) birthday.
*My birthday was on the 16th but exams are coming up so everyone is busy.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
*2009 (two thousand and divine): I said hello to 2009 by chatting (via gchat) with my bud Rachael and then running outside with 10 seconds to go with my family. My family and I lit candles and made our wishes for what we would like to accomplish in 2009. I'm not sure why but I feel really amazing/wonderful/invincible about this year. Here's to hoping my hunch is just the start of good things to come in 2009.
*My birthday: I'm 17 tomorrow! 16 was a transitional year I guess. Not too good but it could've been worse. And even when I was here last year, I wasn't that pumped about turning 16. 18 is the year that I get thrilled thinking about because it's University and independence to me. I'm not into driving and won't be getting my driver's license for a while so there wasn't much allure to 16. Just the sound 2009 and 17 gets my heart pumping. I'm very excited to see how I grow and what I accomplish during my 17th year.
*Nail polish: This is my new addiction. I'm getting obsessed with the sophistication or other dimensions of personality that nail polish can add to someone's hands. I only have 3-5 colours (all OPI or Nicole by OPI) and 2 clear base coats (1 for hands and the other for hosiery). I'm very drawn to dark and shimmery colours, especially the almost black shades. As in a very very very dark auburn or purple that appears black until the light hits it. I'm getting addicted to hand ornamentation in general, so in the coming months I'm going to try and get my hands on some rings as well.
*PrettyMuchAmazing: PMA is a pretty amazing music blog. My speakers have been running around the clock with tracks that I've found on that site.
*You Are Among Friends: This is a free podcast version of a webzine. It's advice to every little sister that Lindsey never had. It's pure gold and you should definitely spare 18 minutes to listen to it.
*My 2nd semester classes: Beginning Jan 30th, I have World History, Photography, French, and Mixed Math. I've heard through the grapevine of some of the people who will be in my photography and I am most pleased with what I've heard so far. It's definetely shaping up to be an epic class. Same goes for French because the teacher that teaches that class is hilarious but still manages to get stuff done. My other two classes are with teachers I've never had before but that isn't dulling my excitement much. Just 3 more days to go, then exams and then my kick ass 2nd semester starts! I can't believe High School is going by so quickly. My little sister is choosing her grade 9 classes right now and deciding whether she wants to do IB or not. This time next year I'll be fretting about University applications.......
This is what I wore to school yesterday.When I was younger my parents used to call me their princess all the time. I took this nickname very seriously. I can still remember the frustration I felt during one of my birthday parties, it was probably my fourth. I was running around and telling everyone I was clearly royalty. When the only responses I got came in the forms of laughs or coos I was not amused. I think I even cried. Anyways the tights I wore were very sparkly and for some reason the idea or character of a princess from another planet popped into my head. My friend Rachael saw this and said all I needed were some sharp shoulders and I would look like a space cadet. So do you think I look like a space princess or a space cadet?
"Are you really sure that a floor can't also be a ceiling?" -M.C. Escher
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Lady Ventino by Valentina RossMottley is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Canada License.
- Valentina= a 18 year old girl with an intense love for life, color and style. My family is my life and I’m having a torrid affair with television and loving every second of it. I like my school and I love my friends and I’m learning to love myself too. I love playing around with clothes but I haven’t found the patience yet to be able to keep up with actual fashion. This is a me blog where I’ll write about my life, my outfits and anything else that comes to mind. "It is absurd to divide people into good & bad. People are either charming or tedious." — Oscar Wilde)
The vast majority of the photos I use on this blog are not mine. Whenever possible I will credit photos but in some insistences this isn't possible. For example I have a collection of un-credited photos saved on my computer. So unless otherwise noted the photos on this blog are not mine. If you see an un-credited photo and it's yours (or you know who it belongs to) let me know so I can either take it down or give you credit.
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