Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I had a very..... startling and upsetting thing happen to me this morning on my way to summer school.

I was walking along York to SJAM and this guy starts talking to me;

Random Guy: I wish it was 1950 so you would be considered the nigger that you are instead of me, nigger.
Me:.................................................................................... >_> (wtf?)
Random other guy getting into his car: I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. It's ridiculous.
Racist guy formerly known as the random guy: *somethingsomething* (I was too far away at this point to hear everything) shut the fuck up! *something something*
Random other guy: Yeah whatever keep living that good life you have**, you faggot!
Me: T_T

That was first time in my entire life I've ever been talked to like that. Every other form of racism that I've dealt with has either been patronizing-passive aggressive (a certain someone being surprised I could read) or has occurred behind my back so I'm not aware of it.

After I calmed down I started replaying the whole "conversation" in my head. Why did that guy find it so revolting to see me being called a nigger, but find it appropriate to the situation to call that racist guy a fagget? Nothing in our three way pseudo conversation was anything said to lead either of us to assume that racist guy was homosexual. But nice-random-guy threw the word fagget out there as an insult?

Hmmm...... it's frustrating for me because "gay" has become the favorite new adjective (alongside others like "sick" and "emo") to be re-branded. So now instead of meaning either happy or homosexual, "gay" is an insult or meant to describe something or someone that is stupid.

It seems we as a society have moved on from targeting black people (at least in the open with no "repercussions") to gay people. Not to say that black people aren't being targeted because regardless of what a lot of people think or say, racism (sexism etc.) is alive and kicking. 50+ years from now we'll have moved on to some other group of people that are different from what is perceived as the norm.

Also I'm guessing that some people who know me are wondering why I didn't cuss that ignorant fool out. Well at the time I was just left utterly speechless. But looking back on it now, even if I did react I still don't think I would have said anything. I don't know if that person is drunk or high or has a weapon on their person. Too many people have dedicated their entire lives and poured their sweat and blood to give me the opportunities I have, for me to be wasting my time on an ignorant fuck, who wouldn't have been "enlightened" regardless of any witty come backs I would have thrown his way. I don't have time for that bullshit.

**=this was obviously a sarcastic remark since this guy looked like a strung out bum.


Diana said...


so i think that you need to tell me about this incident in a bit more detail and we'll talk-slash-compare-slash-rant about it. i think you only mentioned this yesterday in passing and i might have been too caught up in my angst to realize exactly what you said (for which i'm really sorry -- i was in a bad place yesterday). anyway, i'll see you at 9 30.

tuntra said...

Don't worry about it hun, okay. Remind me tomorrow during 1st or 2nd break, or maybe I'll write about it in one of our PN notes.

And missy what are you doing awake at 4:32am?

Tala Azar said...

i'm sorry you had to go through that. but you are a really wise and mature girl and you obviously handled it perfectly well.

the funny thing is that as far as being truly homophobic is unacceptable in our culture, it is okay to flippantly abuse the terms "gay" and "faggot." i think that on the surface we all like to pretend we are tolerant and open-minded but we are entirely close-minded when it comes to day-to-day, face-to-face relations.

i also think that religion has become targeted. if you dress differently because of your religion you are guaranteed to be assaulted in some way - verbally or worse. it's shameful.

tuntra said...

The most shameful thing, at least in my opinion is how, (well at least at school) we're learning about the Holocaust but a large majority of my peers are ignorant about Darfur. It frustrates me how we always learn about the past but it's never applied to anything going on today because that would be "controversial". (No we can't talk about how gay people are being targeted.)

I'm also very very guilty of not saying anything when other people are acting homophobic. I've never been around anyone else being harassed physically but I have heard a fair share of gossip. I think that's because 1. I'd feel like I was wasting my time and 2. I'm too timid to bring it up.

It's obviously something that I need to work on.

Annie said...

You're absolutely right on all points.
Unfortunately, subtle racism is so much more damaging than overt racism... I hope I live to see a day when power is no longer used against any population here in America.

tuntra said...

Thanks for your comment. I honestly think that at least in my life time there won't be a time like that (where power isn't wielded unfairly over others) but I refuse to let that hold me back personally in my own life.

----The only rules I dress by are my own----

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