Wanna Please Me?

Then deliver a pair of these in lime yellow (wtf those are green not yellow!) or in pink on my door step.

Direction

Click the picture for the original source


I can feel the universe pulling me in this scary direction. Really though, the place I'm stuck in right now is probably the scariest thing. I need the hand of the Universe and the hand of my own intuition take control for a while. I can do a lot of things, I just have to stop blinding myself. I need to stop expecting failure and being surprised by success. My body isn't meant to be this numb, my core is starting to fall asleep in my complacency. I'll give myself a shock to my system, I've already had a little taste of electricity and I want more.

FML

Click the picture for the original source


My new favorite term of frustration.

TiLT #10

Hamilton Spectator: especially my supervisor Joanne W-S. She's super nice and really understanding if I don't get everything done. There isn't really a set deadline for things for when things need to be published in general. But I am supposed to have everything up on the Spec blog by March break. The other people who are in the office I volunteer in are nice to be around too. Just a good atmosphere in general.

A little confidence and my principal: On the 19th I read the introduction in front of the school for the Black History Month assembly. After I read it twice (the assembly was split in two because of how many students there are at Westdale). It wasn't bad at all. Then I started thinking of how I get annoyed with Black History Month because we never really learn anything new and Black contributions are somewhat reduced to quiz facts. The assembly itself went quite well. There was a performance by a school step team and dub poet Klyde Brook performed as well. Anyways, it seems like with all the diversity talk that the opportunity to have actual discussions on various race issues are pushed to the way side as to not step on any toes. Not cool, not cool at all. Soooooooo I'm hoping to organize a type of race, racial awareness, and racism assembly or buy-in for the school. I'll keep you guys updated as this epiphany develops.

Sholeh: I was lolly gagging after school yesterday waiting for one of my bf's sister to get something and I ended getting the front of my hair corn rowed by Sholeh. Now she'll be braiding my hair every week some day after school. This is super convenient because no one in my house knows how to braid well. :X

Open atmosphere: (in my house) My house has a pretty open layout and it seems to be a funny correlation to the attitude of my family. We're open, and my house is generally pretty lively, either with voices, tv or computers pumping music. Sometimes it can be frazzling but overall it's wonderful to be around this.

Mrs. Shaw: She's my math teacher. This semester one of the classes I have is mixed math. Which is college and uni math mixed together. She can be a little condescending at times (she doesn't do it on purpose, she's a new teacher and I just think she hasn't struck that balance on how to communicate to students yet). I literally get anxiety attacks when it comes to math tests and quizzes. Thankfully when I, in a fit of frustration hand in a half completed test, get pushed by her to finish it. When I checked my mark and it said 90% I was shocked. I still am. I could actually finish this class with a pretty decent mark. But yeah I just really appreciate how she pushes me and let's my slow self take the time I need to finish stuff.

Direction: This, Idon'tevenknowwhattocallit, thing I wrote later today. I like it when I write something and I don't feel silly after.

Stretching

Sannah Kvist on flickr
Hey, potential, is that you?

Driving Dream/Future Memory

I've always wanted to go on a road trip. Maybe to somewhere like Montreal or New York.

Mustache, I choose you!

Haven't You Heard?

Yikes

There are no words.

Visual Stimulation

6/365

I'm so so so grateful sometimes for my tendency to never throw anything out. Just a quick pictures of some of tokens of my childhood.

*woops, I was so busy paying attention to how I wasn't studying yesterday that I forgot to upload my 6th picture.

Morbid Opportunities or Wasted Time

Sometimes....sometimes it'll be quiet outside of my body and in the recesses of mind. Sometimes I'll look at my family, or the computer in my room and realize how lucky I am. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't been born with the ability to see, hear, or breathe on my own. Sometimes my ability to even see these small/huge privileges seems like a privilege of itself. Maybe that's why I like walking or taking the bus. I look at those things from the other end of spectrum. How many people would love to walk? Or would love to have somewhat affordable public transportation open to them? If the biggest thing I have to worry about is whether or not I'm going to be late for school, then I consider myself to be lucky.

I'm not a religious person though I am somewhat spiritual. For whatever reason I have this image in my head of how everyone is handed an equal amount of something at the beginning of their existence. This to me explains why some people have 99.9% averages but no social skills, so on and so forth. Sometimes I look at my situation and think, "I have too much something. I'm not meant to have all this, and one day the scales will be set to balance each other out and I will lose some or a lot of my something." This scares me and sets me on edge. Don't get misunderstand me though. I don't mean a nervous edge, the type I would teeter or titter over before falling over. No, the edge I feel and see is one of undefinable distance. My life right now is at one side and that edge is my death. Or maybe the death of my mother, father, or sisters. Basically that edge is the end of time of something. I have no amount of guaranteed time with anything or anyone in my life. When I see this edge and when I realize that I can't tell how close or far away this edge is that means I'll start to feel a push. I need to find someone I love and soon. Since I spend so much time at home this usually means it'll be one of my sisters or parents. I don't explain this edge or that push to them. I'll just hug them, give them a kiss and say I love them. If a horde of zombies were to come in at that instant I need to know that they know with every fiber of their existence that I do love them.

Realistically I can't spend all my time thinking about this something. Maybe this has more to do with what I think I deserve than with philosophically cherishing the time I have. Maybe it's both.

Just thought you should know.

Energy, Anticipation, and all those other Sweet and Bubbly sticky things

I have this little breathing, excited, and palpable creation/person/or thing fueling me these days. When I manage to prove to myself that I'm capable of an infinite list of things, this creation breathes a little harder and its' heart beats a little faster. I can feel it growing and moving (no I'm not pregnant....) and I think this creation is what gives me the faith to believe that 2009 will really be two thousand and divine in my own personal history books. I don't know this creature's origin or purpose. I definitely don't know if this creation's life is meant to last for long but I'm excited regardless. This feeling of accomplishment makes my palms sweaty and my mouth all dry. I've been comfortable being uncomfortable for so long that I can't completely fathom what it would it be like for me to be euphorically successful. I'm growing in love with all the divine possibilities that could develop into my life. Am I really capable of being awake while I dream (live)? The fact that the answer to that question has more than a sliver of a chance of being yes gets me restless. My body literally reacts to these thoughts. As I type this my hands keep going to my knees to relieve them of their sweat. I feel like I want to run onto the sky or fall asleep and meet an old friend (who is most likely a fictional character). I wonder what this feeling is called because I am sure it cannot be contained, described, or understood by others in a single word.

Is this creature just me growing up? Maybe I'm finally (finally) harboring some self-esteem. Whatever it is I like it. 

Do you have any creatures of your own?

5/365

I blame exams. Before them I held a lose grip (but you know at least it was a grip) over my room. Now it's receding back into madness and now I have spilled black water paint on my floor.

The paint was being used for an english culminating project. My frenemy called procrastination soothed me and told me I could put the paint away later........

Intergalactic Hussy!

This bra reminds me of ray guns being set to stun, fembots, and the TARDIS.

(The title is reference to an episode of the Simpsons. It's somewhat of a joke between my sisters and I.)

4/365

This book is amazing. Reading is one the greatest gifts I have.

(the perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky)

3/365

Everyday Guerilla Marketing

(Cafe 17 is what I'm calling my birthday get together this year)

Bonus points to anyone who can guess where I did this ;)

Bet ya didn't know

I was tagged by Lesley ages ago (literally! It was way back in October...) to do this little meme. 

1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog

3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself

1. Before I decided that I wanted to be a journalist I wanted to be a writer. Only problem is, is that I can never actually think of stories. I'm not sure if this has to do with me not pushing myself far enough to explore possible possiblities but it's just something that is. I also think I'd be more inclined to work at a magazine than a newspaper.

2.I'm in grade 11 and go to Westdale SS. I've been in the French Immersion program since grade 1 and I'm glad my parents didn't let me drop out of French Immersion like I wanted to in grade 3.

3. I wear a ring on my left hand on my ring finger. Yes it looks like an engagement ring and no I'm not engaged. When I started wearing it on that hand I didn't really pay attention to that. But then people kept inquiring about it and asking who the lucky guy was. I usually joke back that I'm just engaged to myself. Right now I just take it as a physical representation of a promise(s) that I've made to myself. (Push myself, stay gold, love myself, acknowledge my faults without beating myself up over them; those types of things)

4. I sucked my left thumb until i was 7 or 8. Now because of this my left thumb is psychically skinnier than my left

5.I have a personality full of contradictions. (Hmmm.... this might actually become a post for later this week.)

6. Sailor Moon is my idol. Roisin Murphy comes in as a close second.

2/365

I'm falling in love with the soft glow of candle light.

1/365

My first of 365 pictures.

 

I have 13 roles of film leftover from my travels to Honduras and Egypt. Developing film is so expensive these days that I keep putting it off. I'm going out with my friends on the 24th for my birthday*, if I get any money I might use some of it to get some of film developed.

Project 365

I've been passively thinking about this 365 project since '07. I was supposed to start this on Jan 1st, but I got lazy. But I'm lucky and my birthday was today (technically yesterday since I'm posting this around midnight) and I thought that would be a more interesting date to start and end this project with. So I'm beginning today and ending this project on my 18th (!!!!) birthday.

*My birthday was on the 16th but exams are coming up so everyone is busy.

Royalty of the Futuristic Variety

Cyber Chic Queens