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I just want to be blown away into the future right now. This is a huge problem of mine. I get enraptured and lulled and drawn into what will come and tend to skip over what has already arrived. I'm full of anticipation but the guilt I'm feeling is weighing everything else down. I'm consciously yet unconsciously aware of what has to be done but I'm too distracted/lazy/bored to do it. There's more to it than that I know. But I'm continually finding it easier to close my eyes and simplify.  I'm told I'm smart but I hear that I'm dumb and I'm falling into old/rusty traps because of this. I think I get a morbid joy from setting myself up for failure, but I don't know why. I imagine again and again and again and again where I can go but I'm failing to take the steps to get there. UGH I need to do my homework, clean my room, write some more, write in my journal again, read read read and live. I'm getting lulled into this restless sleep and I don't care and I'm scared. This probably make little to no sense to you. But this is for me and not for you. How crappy does this all sound? That doesn't matter right now, at least I'm writing. Sigh

What to do

What to do.....